Let it be
Have you ever had the words from a song get stuck in your mind? Well, this line “just let it go, just let it be” from a James Bay song have been swirling around in my head for a few weeks. When this happens, I try to look for the deeper meaning to understand what is causing the words to resonate with me. The words are paired together but yet they are very different in meaning and in action.
Our family recently experienced the deaths of two loved ones two days apart. It was hard. It was sad and it was exhausting. Saying goodbye to someone cherished often brings us to our knees in surrender. I couldn’t just let it go, I didn’t want to and I wasn’t ready to. It was a place of pain and resistance as fresh grief usually is. I was reminded of other losses and other sad times. A mix of happy and sad memories swirled together creating a bittersweet heaviness in my heart as I journeyed through the mourning activities and rituals.
Thinking about attending two funerals and wakes was overwhelming and the thought increased my pain. I wanted to let go and release the pain and the story of what was happening but I couldn’t. Then I realized something - the very work of mourning is to release the loved one. I was being impacted by the losses of the past much more than the loss of the moment. The hurt of the past from premature and unnatural losses rose their vengeance again. I watched myself being pulled down by the weight of the unresolved.
I experienced a significant shift once I had the realization. I wasn’t in the present with my sadness; I was way back in the past. Mindfulness shows us that being with something, be it pain or sadness will soothe it. I may not have been able to let it go, but I was able to let it be.
Once, I had clarity about the confusing emotions I was experiencing and gave myself permission to acknowledge the pain of the past and the sadness of the present, the intensity of both faded. This experience revealed inner healing to bring my full attention to and with that realization came grace.